The Reluctant BossBabe 2

My favorite mug from which to drink at work says, “I have so much to do that I’m going to bed.” I have had this mug for years, so it seems I’ve been in this headspace for a while. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I switched from someone who loved to brag about the serious GRIND they were on to the person who now feels that GRIND equates to spinning myself into a worn out mess.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and my singular desire was to never get out of my night clothes. In years’ past, I would have done the brunch thing, maybe even sold a few of my products and considered it a full but productive day. Nope. Not anymore. The night before, I made arrangements for a friend to take my son to his basketball game on Sunday. I wouldn’t normally miss his games but it was Mother’s Day and I didn’t want to compromise that time. Feel how you feel, judge all you like. I make zero apologies for protecting my mental health and peace of mind. So, I woke up at my leisure, did some reading, made some shrimp and grits, sat back and watched a movie. I then climbed back in bed and started to read my long neglected People magazines. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep, magazines strewn all around, taking a rare nap on a Sunday afternoon.
I am currently watching (and enjoying) myself change and start to implement self-care when I once wouldn’t. Yes, I always took my bubble baths and got my massages but until I really started managing my time, I was just slapping bandaids on gaping wounds. When I started to really assess if it was worth my time to drive across town, make sure my kid was straight, lug my wares for sale, sit in a room where I might just clear my vending fee, I found that many times, it just wasn’t worth it. I should have and am now starting to say No. No to sitting behind my vending table, in church basements, while sweet older ladies pat me on the head and tell me my invention is cute but they don’t really wear make-up.  No to taking a vacation day at work to keynote an event for a brown bag lunch.

Yes, I know I’ve named myself The Reluctant BossBabe but that doesn’t mean that I’m hesitant to work hard, when it makes sense. It means that I’m no longer willing to devote some of these precious 24 hours to tasks that don’t get me to my desired finish line. While I know I could have started this "No" thing earlier, I venture to say, not that much earlier because I had to learn that certain things were just not for me. I had to try them first. I had to attend the event and not make one dollar to realize that I shouldn’t do THAT one again. See, it’s become clear to me what is worth it and what is not. But that clarity came only after doing my time, paying my dues in the trenches, i.e. church basements.
It really doesn’t matter what you do in life, there will come a time when you’ll have to make some solid choices about how you spend your time. Does it make sense for you to work three jobs to afford daycare when one job and Auntie Mable down the street could be the way to go? I’m not suggesting that you be lazy. I’m not suggesting that you stop chasing your dreams. I am simply suggesting what I’ve seen written (that I’m totally going to misquote right now) that resonated so deeply with me…If it’s not a step toward your goal, don’t do it.

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say that Oprah, nor Beyonce, says yes to everything. In fact, I’m guessing they say No to a whole lot. They have both figured out what events/tasks are worth their time. You are no different. Your time is no less precious. Decide what’s important and make others/things fit into your parameters, not the other way around.