The Reluctant BossBabe - Certainty

You ever wonder to yourself why someone won’t just leave a job, relationship, situation? It seems so obvious to you, right? Ummm, you’re clearly miserable. Pack your bags, put in your two weeks’ notice, start that business. I had those thoughts of others too. That is until I was the very one they were talking about. Five years into my secure, well-paying government job, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do it for 30 years. I knew that like I knew my name. However, I didn’t leave until after I’d been there for 11 years. Why did it take me so long, you ask? Well see, these people were like my family. They planned my wedding and baby showers. I’d worked with them since I was fresh out of college. They were familiar. I knew exactly what to expect from them and from the job. They were certain. Few things paralyze us like certainty. We say we have to save more money. We say that it’s not so bad. We say that it’s just not the right time. Truth is, it’s not really any of that. It’s the fact that this is what you know. It’s what you’re used to. It’s what you can do with your eyes closed. It’s what feels comfortable.

This has played out in SO many different ways in my life. A few years ago, when I started my fitness journey, I was taking hot yoga three days a week and seeing a personal trainer three days a week. I found myself enjoying the yoga more because I knew EXACTLY what each class would consist of. They were the same moves every time. I knew the move before the teacher made it. However, with the gym, I NEVER knew what was coming. One day we might be flipping tires and the next day we might be running up and down flights of stairs. It was scary and uncomfortable.

Funny thing though, what we don’t know at the time, even if we see it on memes and t-shirts, is that ONLY the new, different, unfamiliar stuff is what grows you. My body changed far more from those unpredictable moves at the gym than it did in yoga. My knowledge base grew by leaps and bounds by leaving that good government job and taking a chance on Corporate.

As you might have guessed, this is directly related to my business as well. It’s extraordinarily uncomfortable knowing how much I DON’T know in this business ownership thing. It’s what paralyzes me every time. And if you start that comparing mess and sprinkle in interactions with people who clearly have it figured out, you might not get out of bed. Part of keeping your motivation in those times is visualizing what it looks like on the other side. The growth, the joy, the strength gained from doing something you didn’t initially trust yourself to do. That kicks “certainty’s” ass every. single.time.

Shake your world up. Live your best life. Comfort  Zones are for suckers.

The Reluctant BossBabe 2

My favorite mug from which to drink at work says, “I have so much to do that I’m going to bed.” I have had this mug for years, so it seems I’ve been in this headspace for a while. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I switched from someone who loved to brag about the serious GRIND they were on to the person who now feels that GRIND equates to spinning myself into a worn out mess.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and my singular desire was to never get out of my night clothes. In years’ past, I would have done the brunch thing, maybe even sold a few of my products and considered it a full but productive day. Nope. Not anymore. The night before, I made arrangements for a friend to take my son to his basketball game on Sunday. I wouldn’t normally miss his games but it was Mother’s Day and I didn’t want to compromise that time. Feel how you feel, judge all you like. I make zero apologies for protecting my mental health and peace of mind. So, I woke up at my leisure, did some reading, made some shrimp and grits, sat back and watched a movie. I then climbed back in bed and started to read my long neglected People magazines. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep, magazines strewn all around, taking a rare nap on a Sunday afternoon.
I am currently watching (and enjoying) myself change and start to implement self-care when I once wouldn’t. Yes, I always took my bubble baths and got my massages but until I really started managing my time, I was just slapping bandaids on gaping wounds. When I started to really assess if it was worth my time to drive across town, make sure my kid was straight, lug my wares for sale, sit in a room where I might just clear my vending fee, I found that many times, it just wasn’t worth it. I should have and am now starting to say No. No to sitting behind my vending table, in church basements, while sweet older ladies pat me on the head and tell me my invention is cute but they don’t really wear make-up.  No to taking a vacation day at work to keynote an event for a brown bag lunch.

Yes, I know I’ve named myself The Reluctant BossBabe but that doesn’t mean that I’m hesitant to work hard, when it makes sense. It means that I’m no longer willing to devote some of these precious 24 hours to tasks that don’t get me to my desired finish line. While I know I could have started this "No" thing earlier, I venture to say, not that much earlier because I had to learn that certain things were just not for me. I had to try them first. I had to attend the event and not make one dollar to realize that I shouldn’t do THAT one again. See, it’s become clear to me what is worth it and what is not. But that clarity came only after doing my time, paying my dues in the trenches, i.e. church basements.
It really doesn’t matter what you do in life, there will come a time when you’ll have to make some solid choices about how you spend your time. Does it make sense for you to work three jobs to afford daycare when one job and Auntie Mable down the street could be the way to go? I’m not suggesting that you be lazy. I’m not suggesting that you stop chasing your dreams. I am simply suggesting what I’ve seen written (that I’m totally going to misquote right now) that resonated so deeply with me…If it’s not a step toward your goal, don’t do it.

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say that Oprah, nor Beyonce, says yes to everything. In fact, I’m guessing they say No to a whole lot. They have both figured out what events/tasks are worth their time. You are no different. Your time is no less precious. Decide what’s important and make others/things fit into your parameters, not the other way around.

The Reluctant BossBabe

A series of words have been lodged in my brain and I haven’t been able to shake them.

They are: Stop and Start Again; Re-do: Re-evaluate: Regroup

Turns out my entire life has been a series of Starting Again. Refocusing. Re-doing.

Back in late 2012, when I launched Nikki’s Magic Wand, I hit the ground running. I was amazed and excited that the hard work and major capital outlay was paying off. Something I’d dreamed of was now something I could hold in my hand! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it so that they could hold it in their hands too. It was an electric, magical (smile) time.

Well, things progressed and by Sept 2013, we’d won a QVC contest and secured a purchase order with them and so began a remarkable relationship with a heavy hitting retailer. I was sure I was headed to the Forbes’ List, y'all! Interestingly, all of 2014 moved like a snail, no inspiration, no big wins and by the end of it, I was convinced that I hadn’t done anything worthwhile. Here was one of the MANY times my momentum stopped and I had to give myself a stern talking to in order to get back on track. What I didn’t realize at the time, was 2014 was a time for planting seeds, by consistently sending wands over to QVC to sell on their dot com site. Those sales led them to call me and say, “Hey, you’ve sold out three times online, we’re thinking about putting you on the show Live.”  SAY. WHAT. NOW?

By June 2015, I was standing in a tv studio in West Chester, PA, praying I didn’t throw up and that the host didn’t break my little Wand on Live TV. This was after vowing in December of 2014 that I wouldn’t have another uninspired, lazy year. Now I can’t tell you that I even went really hard in the beginning of 2015. I can’t recall exactly what I did but I know I kept trying, chugging along with my limited knowledge. Trying to get to the point where I could stand in front of the Sharks and tell them how my little product had been selling like hot cakes and they should start fighting over who gets to board this run-away train. Well, there were no hotcakes, no trains and no sharks. There were highs and lows. There were stops and starts. There was energy and lethargy.

What was wrong with me? Why can’t I get this together? I have never apologized for working a 9 to 5 this whole time but I had to admit it was a time suck. The time I was on Grant street was definitely taking away from the time I could Go Hard in my business. That was a nice and believable excuse for a good long time but I recently came to a realization. I am not 100% sure that I would actually give it my all if I did not still work in Corporate America. I feel fairly convinced that the covers would be pulled up under my chin while I tried to figure out how to finally hit this Powerball.

Would I really work hard? Would I send out those e-mails where I use your first name so you think it's personal, post on Instagram six times a day, follow up with everyone I’m supposed to, attend networking events, find brand ambassadors, shoot videos, go Live on Facebook, create memes, use Canva, do a new photo shoot, offer specials, send samples, approach buyers, contact news outlets, launch each new product, find a new supplier, pay my sales taxes, pay my federal taxes, listen to podcasts, find out how to set up sales funnels, update my website, watch webinars, design new packaging, gather testimonials, create a landing page, run Facebook ads, enhance my SEO, and on and on and on? Would I really do all of that? Hell, I got tired writing that.

Here’s the odd truth: I want to WANT to do ALL of that. I really do. I have been told MANY times that all of that stuff works. You’ve just got to do it. Oh, well now there’s the issue.

I have determined that I am what I’m calling a “Reluctant Bossbabe.” I DESPERATELY want to be a major player. But I also want to sit around and get massages and eat cupcakes .Yep, I know I can do both but when I think of that list I just wrote, the massage/cupcake dreams seem FAR more appealing.

So, here I am. Starting again. Re-focusing. Re-doing.

I’m NOT giving up my Bossbabe dreams because I KNOW I have some fire stuff to contribute to this world in this small biz space. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy rubbing shoulders with the folks who are doing it for real. That tribe is something to behold.

I am officially inviting you to follow along as I gather some energy and excitement so I can knock out these goals. You’re going to witness me be fired up and then you’ll also see me having to smack myself in the face because brunch and SVU has taken over my life.  Stay tuned!

I'm going to do this!!! I think…