Sometimes You Can't Do Your Best.

I have been a Board member for a local organization for about six years now. When I joined, I was fired up - ready to make a difference. I was excited and passionate about the work they were doing, the positive changes that were happening, and the impact on lives they were making. I felt like I was a part of a big movement. However, after awhile, my passion started to decrease. My interest and engagement started to fall off. In the quarterly meetings, I multi-tasked and stayed quiet, making no comments, asking no questions. I kept wondering why I was feeling checked out, why I fantasized about walking away. Well, today, it occurred to me what it was.

I realized that I was disconnected for two reasons - some of the more complex matters were over my head and unrelatable to me and the BIG one - I wasn't using my God-given talents and strengths for the good of the group. My skills and gifts were being left on the table and all I could focus on were my weaknesses, which made me feel less valuable, sad, and ineffective. I wanted to quit because I wanted that feeling to stop.

Today, during an all day strategy meeting/retreat, we discussed ways we could help the organization and a window opened which allowed me to offer my strong communication and presentation skills. There was never a time in the previous six years where it occurred to me to share that I could contribute my voice when needed.  That was a gamechanger. I immediately knew I needed to share this with you...

You can't always do your best because what you're being asked to do is not in your wheelhouse. It's not what you're best at. So many people, including myself, have been pressed to believe that we need to learn and do everything that is thrown at us. That's simply not true. The more we move in our strengths and contribute our natural gifts,  the more successful we'll be. You're likely struggling with a task/job because it is not in alignment with who you are. And that's the goal. If you have to work, do a job where you can bring your authentic self to it, where you can bring all that has been given to you to the forefront.

In the undeniable words of Anita Baker, I want to always be "Giving you the best that I've got. " 

Thank you for reading. 

Chance Encounters for the Win!

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk with the staff of a spa. The spa had moved locations and a dear friend of mine waved her interior design wand and it is breathtaking. My role was to reset the staff's commitment and cohesiveness in the new space. I enjoyed speaking with each of them, hearing their stories, and reminding them of their individual power to give people the sacred relaxation they are seeking. My path to that room was made by multiple connections along my life. I met the beautiful spa owner, Heather Brown, when we joined a self-care cohort last year. We gravitated toward each other and had an instant connection. My friend LaToya Johnson-Rainey, the person who referred me to Heather for this presentation, crossed my path 10 years ago when we were both working with the same publisher of our books. SO many good and great things have come to me this way. I have been blessed to connect with so many wonderful people and situations because of two things:

1. Doing my best to give people the warmth and love that I need and want. 

2. Doing my best to follow through on things I say I'm going to do. 

However, what I believe trumps both of those is being intentional about surrounding myself with people who have my best interests at heart - people who speak well of me in rooms I'm not in. That's where the true magic happens.

So, here's my message for you today. Go to the cocktail party, networking event, knitting club. Meet people. Smile. Be someone that people like to be around. Every time I pushed myself to go to an event that I thought I wanted to skip, I have ALWAYS gotten something out of it. I have never regretted it. 

I believe people are placed in your life for very particular reasons. Give them a chance to change your life for the better.  

Thank you for reading,  ya'll. ❤️

(Oh and I booked a massage at the spa the minute I left the presentation! Check out Body By Design on Perry Highway. The owner and staff are phenomenal and you'll get to see the hard work and beauty my good girlfriend poured into that space.)

Nikki - The Rebrand...Again

Almost 20 years ago I abandoned my identity. I decided to start a whole new life,  complete with a new name. See, well into adulthood, I was exclusively known as Nikki. I didn't like the name Nicole. It seemed too formal, too serious, and no one in my life called me Nicole, not even the managers or co-workers. However, after over 10 years I decided to leave my good government job and landed a new role at Mellon Bank. Since my resume said "Nicole" that's what they called me and I never corrected them. I figured since I'd been grown enough and brave enough to give myself a fresh start, a new name made sense. Corporate was so different and I began that new job with enthusiastic determination, but also scared to death of failure. You know the saying that goes something like, "If you take the leap, the net will be there"? Well, I've jumped a few times but never fully trusted that net. I kept checking it for holes and honestly I figured my azz would jump right past it and face plant on the floor. The funny thing about this is that I think I present as a confident, together women, when in reality I'm deathly afraid of making mistakes, appearing stupid, and being judged. It paralyzes me in many ways and I know for sure that this persistent fear has kept me from pursuing paths that would have landed me in some fulfilling spaces. We're unpacking that in therapy.

So, here I stand. Once again trying to figure out the path to success and happiness in all of my roles. One thing that I've discovered about myself over these last five decades is that I LOVE to share the good and the bad - to help others along their journeys.

I hope you'll come along with me on this ride. In sharing my experiences, tips, tricks, wins and losses, I hope you'll see that you're not alone. Let's do this. Let's change our lives.