Sometimes You Can't Do Your Best.

I have been a Board member for a local organization for about six years now. When I joined, I was fired up - ready to make a difference. I was excited and passionate about the work they were doing, the positive changes that were happening, and the impact on lives they were making. I felt like I was a part of a big movement. However, after awhile, my passion started to decrease. My interest and engagement started to fall off. In the quarterly meetings, I multi-tasked and stayed quiet, making no comments, asking no questions. I kept wondering why I was feeling checked out, why I fantasized about walking away. Well, today, it occurred to me what it was.

I realized that I was disconnected for two reasons - some of the more complex matters were over my head and unrelatable to me and the BIG one - I wasn't using my God-given talents and strengths for the good of the group. My skills and gifts were being left on the table and all I could focus on were my weaknesses, which made me feel less valuable, sad, and ineffective. I wanted to quit because I wanted that feeling to stop.

Today, during an all day strategy meeting/retreat, we discussed ways we could help the organization and a window opened which allowed me to offer my strong communication and presentation skills. There was never a time in the previous six years where it occurred to me to share that I could contribute my voice when needed.  That was a gamechanger. I immediately knew I needed to share this with you...

You can't always do your best because what you're being asked to do is not in your wheelhouse. It's not what you're best at. So many people, including myself, have been pressed to believe that we need to learn and do everything that is thrown at us. That's simply not true. The more we move in our strengths and contribute our natural gifts,  the more successful we'll be. You're likely struggling with a task/job because it is not in alignment with who you are. And that's the goal. If you have to work, do a job where you can bring your authentic self to it, where you can bring all that has been given to you to the forefront.

In the undeniable words of Anita Baker, I want to always be "Giving you the best that I've got. " 

Thank you for reading. 

Chance Encounters for the Win!

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk with the staff of a spa. The spa had moved locations and a dear friend of mine waved her interior design wand and it is breathtaking. My role was to reset the staff's commitment and cohesiveness in the new space. I enjoyed speaking with each of them, hearing their stories, and reminding them of their individual power to give people the sacred relaxation they are seeking. My path to that room was made by multiple connections along my life. I met the beautiful spa owner, Heather Brown, when we joined a self-care cohort last year. We gravitated toward each other and had an instant connection. My friend LaToya Johnson-Rainey, the person who referred me to Heather for this presentation, crossed my path 10 years ago when we were both working with the same publisher of our books. SO many good and great things have come to me this way. I have been blessed to connect with so many wonderful people and situations because of two things:

1. Doing my best to give people the warmth and love that I need and want. 

2. Doing my best to follow through on things I say I'm going to do. 

However, what I believe trumps both of those is being intentional about surrounding myself with people who have my best interests at heart - people who speak well of me in rooms I'm not in. That's where the true magic happens.

So, here's my message for you today. Go to the cocktail party, networking event, knitting club. Meet people. Smile. Be someone that people like to be around. Every time I pushed myself to go to an event that I thought I wanted to skip, I have ALWAYS gotten something out of it. I have never regretted it. 

I believe people are placed in your life for very particular reasons. Give them a chance to change your life for the better.  

Thank you for reading,  ya'll. ❤️

(Oh and I booked a massage at the spa the minute I left the presentation! Check out Body By Design on Perry Highway. The owner and staff are phenomenal and you'll get to see the hard work and beauty my good girlfriend poured into that space.)

Nikki - The Rebrand...Again

Almost 20 years ago I abandoned my identity. I decided to start a whole new life,  complete with a new name. See, well into adulthood, I was exclusively known as Nikki. I didn't like the name Nicole. It seemed too formal, too serious, and no one in my life called me Nicole, not even the managers or co-workers. However, after over 10 years I decided to leave my good government job and landed a new role at Mellon Bank. Since my resume said "Nicole" that's what they called me and I never corrected them. I figured since I'd been grown enough and brave enough to give myself a fresh start, a new name made sense. Corporate was so different and I began that new job with enthusiastic determination, but also scared to death of failure. You know the saying that goes something like, "If you take the leap, the net will be there"? Well, I've jumped a few times but never fully trusted that net. I kept checking it for holes and honestly I figured my azz would jump right past it and face plant on the floor. The funny thing about this is that I think I present as a confident, together women, when in reality I'm deathly afraid of making mistakes, appearing stupid, and being judged. It paralyzes me in many ways and I know for sure that this persistent fear has kept me from pursuing paths that would have landed me in some fulfilling spaces. We're unpacking that in therapy.

So, here I stand. Once again trying to figure out the path to success and happiness in all of my roles. One thing that I've discovered about myself over these last five decades is that I LOVE to share the good and the bad - to help others along their journeys.

I hope you'll come along with me on this ride. In sharing my experiences, tips, tricks, wins and losses, I hope you'll see that you're not alone. Let's do this. Let's change our lives. 

One of One - The Legendary Mildred Chestnut

My Granny died. 

I suppose I have written those words a few times in the last month or so, but it still seems unreal. Even though her urn sits on my dresser,  I am successfully convincing myself that she is just in Philly, chilling. It works most of the time...except for when I instinctively look at the clock every night around 8pm. That was my routine when I was trying to decide if it was too late to call her. I think the part that makes tears spring in my eyes and my voice catch in my throat is that this isn't at all what she wanted or had planned. I'm sure you're saying, "Well no Nik, no one wants to die." But at 90, some are tired.. ready. Not Millie Chest. She was shooting for 100, even if her body was telling her otherwise. She kept pushing. I wanted her to have what she wanted, but it was out of our control and for women like Granny and me, that's a tough pill to swallow. She raised my aunts and I to be problem solvers, way makers for our families. With limited resources, Granny not only provided what was needed, but she slipped some vacations and cultured outings in there too. The heat always flowed through those radiators and that phone number stayed the same for our whole lives. Granny was a crossing guard and seamstress, neither of which garnered much cash but whenever she stepped out onto Carlisle Street in the West Oak Lane neighborhood of Philadelphia, she looked like she owned that jawn. I raced to the phone to tell her about every promotion,  increase, and bonus just to hear her say, "They gave you what??? Ooohhh girl, you doing it!!" She was so proud of us all. The college grads and the ones who worked their tails off because we ALL proved, her children and Grands alike,  that we had listened to her. That we had good character first because that's the most important thing there is. My aunts and cousins are the very best people you will ever meet and Gran did that. She was the blueprint and that mold was absolutely broken when she was born.

Many have asked me how I'm doing and when I say I'm doing good,  I absolutely mean it... at that moment. Granny equipped me with so much that I lack nothing. I'm able to keep moving forward because that's what she modeled... for 90 years.  

I know that I will miss her for the rest of my life, but I also know that her drive is in my dna and I'm going to be just fine.  

The Reluctant BossBabe - Certainty

You ever wonder to yourself why someone won’t just leave a job, relationship, situation? It seems so obvious to you, right? Ummm, you’re clearly miserable. Pack your bags, put in your two weeks’ notice, start that business. I had those thoughts of others too. That is until I was the very one they were talking about. Five years into my secure, well-paying government job, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do it for 30 years. I knew that like I knew my name. However, I didn’t leave until after I’d been there for 11 years. Why did it take me so long, you ask? Well see, these people were like my family. They planned my wedding and baby showers. I’d worked with them since I was fresh out of college. They were familiar. I knew exactly what to expect from them and from the job. They were certain. Few things paralyze us like certainty. We say we have to save more money. We say that it’s not so bad. We say that it’s just not the right time. Truth is, it’s not really any of that. It’s the fact that this is what you know. It’s what you’re used to. It’s what you can do with your eyes closed. It’s what feels comfortable.

This has played out in SO many different ways in my life. A few years ago, when I started my fitness journey, I was taking hot yoga three days a week and seeing a personal trainer three days a week. I found myself enjoying the yoga more because I knew EXACTLY what each class would consist of. They were the same moves every time. I knew the move before the teacher made it. However, with the gym, I NEVER knew what was coming. One day we might be flipping tires and the next day we might be running up and down flights of stairs. It was scary and uncomfortable.

Funny thing though, what we don’t know at the time, even if we see it on memes and t-shirts, is that ONLY the new, different, unfamiliar stuff is what grows you. My body changed far more from those unpredictable moves at the gym than it did in yoga. My knowledge base grew by leaps and bounds by leaving that good government job and taking a chance on Corporate.

As you might have guessed, this is directly related to my business as well. It’s extraordinarily uncomfortable knowing how much I DON’T know in this business ownership thing. It’s what paralyzes me every time. And if you start that comparing mess and sprinkle in interactions with people who clearly have it figured out, you might not get out of bed. Part of keeping your motivation in those times is visualizing what it looks like on the other side. The growth, the joy, the strength gained from doing something you didn’t initially trust yourself to do. That kicks “certainty’s” ass every. single.time.

Shake your world up. Live your best life. Comfort  Zones are for suckers.

The Reluctant BossBabe 2

My favorite mug from which to drink at work says, “I have so much to do that I’m going to bed.” I have had this mug for years, so it seems I’ve been in this headspace for a while. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I switched from someone who loved to brag about the serious GRIND they were on to the person who now feels that GRIND equates to spinning myself into a worn out mess.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and my singular desire was to never get out of my night clothes. In years’ past, I would have done the brunch thing, maybe even sold a few of my products and considered it a full but productive day. Nope. Not anymore. The night before, I made arrangements for a friend to take my son to his basketball game on Sunday. I wouldn’t normally miss his games but it was Mother’s Day and I didn’t want to compromise that time. Feel how you feel, judge all you like. I make zero apologies for protecting my mental health and peace of mind. So, I woke up at my leisure, did some reading, made some shrimp and grits, sat back and watched a movie. I then climbed back in bed and started to read my long neglected People magazines. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep, magazines strewn all around, taking a rare nap on a Sunday afternoon.
I am currently watching (and enjoying) myself change and start to implement self-care when I once wouldn’t. Yes, I always took my bubble baths and got my massages but until I really started managing my time, I was just slapping bandaids on gaping wounds. When I started to really assess if it was worth my time to drive across town, make sure my kid was straight, lug my wares for sale, sit in a room where I might just clear my vending fee, I found that many times, it just wasn’t worth it. I should have and am now starting to say No. No to sitting behind my vending table, in church basements, while sweet older ladies pat me on the head and tell me my invention is cute but they don’t really wear make-up.  No to taking a vacation day at work to keynote an event for a brown bag lunch.

Yes, I know I’ve named myself The Reluctant BossBabe but that doesn’t mean that I’m hesitant to work hard, when it makes sense. It means that I’m no longer willing to devote some of these precious 24 hours to tasks that don’t get me to my desired finish line. While I know I could have started this "No" thing earlier, I venture to say, not that much earlier because I had to learn that certain things were just not for me. I had to try them first. I had to attend the event and not make one dollar to realize that I shouldn’t do THAT one again. See, it’s become clear to me what is worth it and what is not. But that clarity came only after doing my time, paying my dues in the trenches, i.e. church basements.
It really doesn’t matter what you do in life, there will come a time when you’ll have to make some solid choices about how you spend your time. Does it make sense for you to work three jobs to afford daycare when one job and Auntie Mable down the street could be the way to go? I’m not suggesting that you be lazy. I’m not suggesting that you stop chasing your dreams. I am simply suggesting what I’ve seen written (that I’m totally going to misquote right now) that resonated so deeply with me…If it’s not a step toward your goal, don’t do it.

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say that Oprah, nor Beyonce, says yes to everything. In fact, I’m guessing they say No to a whole lot. They have both figured out what events/tasks are worth their time. You are no different. Your time is no less precious. Decide what’s important and make others/things fit into your parameters, not the other way around.

The Reluctant BossBabe

A series of words have been lodged in my brain and I haven’t been able to shake them.

They are: Stop and Start Again; Re-do: Re-evaluate: Regroup

Turns out my entire life has been a series of Starting Again. Refocusing. Re-doing.

Back in late 2012, when I launched Nikki’s Magic Wand, I hit the ground running. I was amazed and excited that the hard work and major capital outlay was paying off. Something I’d dreamed of was now something I could hold in my hand! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it so that they could hold it in their hands too. It was an electric, magical (smile) time.

Well, things progressed and by Sept 2013, we’d won a QVC contest and secured a purchase order with them and so began a remarkable relationship with a heavy hitting retailer. I was sure I was headed to the Forbes’ List, y'all! Interestingly, all of 2014 moved like a snail, no inspiration, no big wins and by the end of it, I was convinced that I hadn’t done anything worthwhile. Here was one of the MANY times my momentum stopped and I had to give myself a stern talking to in order to get back on track. What I didn’t realize at the time, was 2014 was a time for planting seeds, by consistently sending wands over to QVC to sell on their dot com site. Those sales led them to call me and say, “Hey, you’ve sold out three times online, we’re thinking about putting you on the show Live.”  SAY. WHAT. NOW?

By June 2015, I was standing in a tv studio in West Chester, PA, praying I didn’t throw up and that the host didn’t break my little Wand on Live TV. This was after vowing in December of 2014 that I wouldn’t have another uninspired, lazy year. Now I can’t tell you that I even went really hard in the beginning of 2015. I can’t recall exactly what I did but I know I kept trying, chugging along with my limited knowledge. Trying to get to the point where I could stand in front of the Sharks and tell them how my little product had been selling like hot cakes and they should start fighting over who gets to board this run-away train. Well, there were no hotcakes, no trains and no sharks. There were highs and lows. There were stops and starts. There was energy and lethargy.

What was wrong with me? Why can’t I get this together? I have never apologized for working a 9 to 5 this whole time but I had to admit it was a time suck. The time I was on Grant street was definitely taking away from the time I could Go Hard in my business. That was a nice and believable excuse for a good long time but I recently came to a realization. I am not 100% sure that I would actually give it my all if I did not still work in Corporate America. I feel fairly convinced that the covers would be pulled up under my chin while I tried to figure out how to finally hit this Powerball.

Would I really work hard? Would I send out those e-mails where I use your first name so you think it's personal, post on Instagram six times a day, follow up with everyone I’m supposed to, attend networking events, find brand ambassadors, shoot videos, go Live on Facebook, create memes, use Canva, do a new photo shoot, offer specials, send samples, approach buyers, contact news outlets, launch each new product, find a new supplier, pay my sales taxes, pay my federal taxes, listen to podcasts, find out how to set up sales funnels, update my website, watch webinars, design new packaging, gather testimonials, create a landing page, run Facebook ads, enhance my SEO, and on and on and on? Would I really do all of that? Hell, I got tired writing that.

Here’s the odd truth: I want to WANT to do ALL of that. I really do. I have been told MANY times that all of that stuff works. You’ve just got to do it. Oh, well now there’s the issue.

I have determined that I am what I’m calling a “Reluctant Bossbabe.” I DESPERATELY want to be a major player. But I also want to sit around and get massages and eat cupcakes .Yep, I know I can do both but when I think of that list I just wrote, the massage/cupcake dreams seem FAR more appealing.

So, here I am. Starting again. Re-focusing. Re-doing.

I’m NOT giving up my Bossbabe dreams because I KNOW I have some fire stuff to contribute to this world in this small biz space. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy rubbing shoulders with the folks who are doing it for real. That tribe is something to behold.

I am officially inviting you to follow along as I gather some energy and excitement so I can knock out these goals. You’re going to witness me be fired up and then you’ll also see me having to smack myself in the face because brunch and SVU has taken over my life.  Stay tuned!

I'm going to do this!!! I think…

Nothing Really Happens Until You're 100% Ready.

A year ago I found myself in the ER with chest pains. Even though my blood pressure was/is well managed and my cholesterol has always been low, I was scared to death.  The diagnosis was that my potassium was low and that I should get it up. While there, they weighed me on a bed scale and even though I told them not to tell me the number, it was on my discharge papers. I almost fell over. I hadn’t seen a number like that since I was pregnant. Turns out the bed scale was off by about seven pounds and I was lighter than I thought but still MUCH more than I wanted to be.  I decided in that moment to do something about it. I joined a gym and engaged a trainer (Club Elevation-OJ Macklin) and also started taking hot yoga. I was going to get this weight off and get healthier if it killed me! 
Things started off very strong. I was working out and doing hot yoga six days a week and logging what I ate in the Lose It app. Slowly but surely, I saw changes in my body. I refused to weigh myself but my clothes were fitting differently. I found I enjoyed working out and missed it when the relentless winter prevented gym visits.  I kept it going though and along with my gym buddy, Sharise Nance for accountability, things were progressing nicely.
After a while though, I noticed some changes and not in a good way. My weight started to creep back up. I was still working out, although no longer six days a week—more like 3-4. And I started to be more casual with my eating. I wasn’t logging my food anymore and had convinced myself that as long as I was still working out, I was cool. Yeah….I wasn’t. Before I knew it, my weight had climbed right where it was around bed scale time.
So, challenged by our trainer, Sharise (who has a self-professed cookie addiction) and I decided to buckle down and start fresh. More working out but even more importantly, more focus on our diet. She chose the eating clean/no sugar route. I chose the Intermittent Fasting and calorie watching method. We have both seen great results. I lost eleven pounds in 18 days and my body is still responding well. I eat pretty healthily but also have what I like. This is really the only way I could keep this going. If I had to seriously consider never having another Oreo, I’d be a mean broad.
I wanted to share this reflection because I thought some of you might be able to relate. Also, I finally accepted the fact that you really can’t out exercise a bad diet, even though my trainer had been telling me that for a year. 
After seeing some of my gym posts, some have said that they know they need to get in the gym. I’ve told them that they will go when they are either fed up or scared straight. There’s no point in guilting yourself if you’re not ready to fully commit.  At the beginning, I couldn’t bench press anything more than 15 pound dumb bells. Now I can bench press ones that are 40 pounds each. I couldn’t do one push up and while they are still not my fave, I can do a number of them before I start cussing. There’s no way I would be ok with losing that strength so I have to keep going.
No matter what change you need to make in your life, you’ll know/feel when the time is right. So many of us are inspired by a new year or other people but those are not real motivations. You have to make changes for you. You have to want it more than you want anything else.  It’s not easy but it’s so worth it!

It's Funny What We Get Used To

About a month ago, I decided to try Intermittent Fasting.  I’m not sure how I stumbled on it but after researching it, it seemed to be a fit for me. I liked the fact that it was not only good for weight loss, but it had also been proven to offer many health benefits. The plan I decided on was the 16/8 plan. That was where you eat within an 8 hour timeframe and fast for 16 hours. I chose to start my eating window at 12 noon and close it at 8pm. So, it means essentially skipping breakfast and avoiding late night snacks.

I was ready!

The first few days were tough. Prior to starting this, I’d be eager to eat by the time I got to work. I’d race to the cafeteria by 9am and get my breakfast and hungrily consume it. I’d be looking for a snack around 11am, eat again at 1:30pm, snack again at 3 or 4pm, dinner at say 7pm and then some kind of treat at 9pm or so. This was the way it had always been and it was what my body had become accustomed to.

After I got into the swing of things, I noticed something very interesting. The morning would progress and as I would consume my water or tea with no sugar, I realized that I was not dying of hunger like I thought I was at 9am during my previous eating style. I was getting used to that feeling of satisfaction from beverages and by the time noon came, sometime I was eager to eat and sometimes I wasn’t. I had gotten used to it and it was my new norm.

Realizing this made me think of other things that we “get used to.”

We get used to feeling alone.
We get used to being unhappy.
We get used to being in a bad relationship.
We get used to disrespect.
We get used to pain.
We get used to having a horrible job.
We get used to being unhealthy.
We get used to being afraid.
We get used to losing.

It’s comfortable, it’s what we know.

Change is hard, it’s uncomfortable, it feels impossible.

The thing is, it’s NOT impossible. If it means enough to you, it’s 100% possible.

It’s worth it AND you’ll be SHOCKED by how quickly you’ll adapt to the new goodness in your life.

Today, pick something POSITIVE to get used to.

ANYTHING worth having is on the other side of fear/change.

Death to SHOULD

My last blog post was a LONG time ago. Eight months ago to be exact. That is a high crime in BlogLand. Truth is, I haven’t had much to say.  While it’s true that I haven’t really been thinking of blogging, something made me feel like the topics should just flood my mind. And there it is. That word…SHOULD.

That word has such power over our lives.

Check out what I mean:

I was inspired to write this blog five minutes ago after viewing pictures of a Facebook friend. The pictures are absolutely beautiful and in them, she is smiling and showing off her figure in a crop top. The pictures exude happiness and confidence and so much self- love. Someone commented that they wished they had an ounce of her confidence and she responded that we have to learn to love ourselves and remember that while we may not be where we want to be, we aren’t where we were. She killed the notion that you SHOULD only wear a crop top if you have rock hard abs. Why would we think that when rock hard abs are super HARD to come by?

My list of SHOULDs is LONG:

1. I SHOULD have rock solid abs. LOL!
2. I SHOULD have a bigger savings account.
3. I SHOULD have clear skin at my age.
4. I SHOULD be more organized.
5. I SHOULD have more willpower with my eating.
6. I SHOULD go home to Philly more.
7. I SHOULD call my grannies more.
8. I SHOULD be further along with my business.
9. I SHOULD have finished my second book a long time ago.
10. I SHOULD cook more.

And on and on and damn on.

Our minds LOVE to tell us that we’re just never, ever doing enough and what a sad cycle and discouraging message that is to tell ourselves every second of every day.  It seems to be much easier to focus on what’s wrong, as opposed to what’s right. Many of us have seen that meme that says, “Even on my worst day, I’m killing it.” We post it to fire ourselves up and let folks know that we’re the shit. However, it’s SO hard to hold on to that feeling and thought. It takes constant reminders and then we’re RIGHT back to SHOULD with, “I SHOULD be able to remember this! What is wrong with me?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Tired of caring, not so much about what others think but about what I think, if it’s not positive. I’m weary of worrying about how this tummy, that held and nurtured two healthy babies, is not completely flat and still pouchy even though my youngest is now grown man sized.  I’m tired of wondering if you can see a pimple in my selfie. My value is between my ears and in my chest (heart) and cannot be removed by the fact that I have stretch marks or gray hair.

SHOULD needs to die today.  Who cares what you SHOULD be doing. The only thing that is important is if you deeply, genuinely, unconditionally LOVE who and what you see in that mirror and WHEN you get there, nothing else matters.

NOTHING.

A message for my fellow children and parents....

Stumbled upon the following snippet that I wrote in high school:

Check it out:

Did you ever wish that you and your mom were the same age? Of course we wish this when we're being punished and feel that we aren't understood. But, I believe it's a lot deeper than that.

See, my mother died when I was just 10 years old. She was 33 and what I considered the typical mother. She was the woman in my life who told me not to take my hat off on the way to school. She insisted I eat my vegetables. She smacked my face when I was a smart ass. Unfortunately, I do not have those wonderful memories that people have when their parents die at an old age. My mother never talked to me about my period. She never cried at my wedding. She never held her grandchild. She never explained menopause to me. She just tried her best to raise a lady-like little girl that wouldn't embarrass her in mixed company. Now that I think of it, I really wish I had a brother or sister because I was her only child, the only memory of a child she had. It's almost like, I was the representation of one of the things in her life she created. And if she got joy out of child-rearing, I wish I hadn't been the only one. 

I'm not sure she wanted kids. My mother was always kind to me, but since all I know is the disciplinarian side, I don't know if she enjoyed it or not. This sort of upsets me because I have this need to know whether or not she actually liked me. I know she loved me, but did she like being around me? I really don't know. My grandmother took it very hard and I've never had the desire to dredge up memories for her. I think she has a hard enough time dealing day to day without my asking her about her dead first child, that just happened to be her best friend.

So, I'm left to wonder. 

I'm not sharing this to start a pity party. Quite the opposite. If you still have your Mom, spend time with her, if you don't already. Ask her about her deepest dreams. Do something out of the norm with her. Really, really get to know her. If you are a parent, let your children know what you LIKE about them. What they do well, what you think is outstanding about their personality. It's important to say and to hear.

As always, thanks for reading!

Full Circle...

Yesterday I made a quick visit to my daughter's new apartment. She very proudly showed me how she'd arranged the little place with all of things we'd moved in there the weekend before. I smiled as I took in how she had lovingly decorated her son's new room. She pointed out her special touches and I was very impressed with them all. She now lives in a building where there are four other apartments, inhabited by other mothers who were joined together to grow with each other, as women and mothers. As soon as I heard about the arrangement and then saw it, I was so moved by it all. Why, you might ask? After all, this is her third apartment in two years, since she graduated from high school. She has lived on her own. She has arranged her own space before. This time, however, it was different. At 17, I moved into the dorms and began a life I so desperately wanted for her. I wanted 3 am pizza with her dorm mates for her. I wanted the campus life for her. It had brought me so much joy and I figured it would bring her the same. However, by the time she was 17, my precious surprise (her son) was here and all campus dwelling dreams were dashed. I remembered the commuters from when I was in college. They seemed disconnected and out of the loop. They had to rely on the kindness of dorm residents to give them a sliver of that life. She was now one of them. However, life moves on and by August of 2015, it was time to get her moved into her first place and ready to start her first year in college. I wasn't any less proud of her. Quite the opposite. I was in awe of how this baby boy had inspired her to work like crazy in her senior year of high school, getting academic scholarships to college and other recognitions for her hard work; killing it from all angles. Various circumstances landed her in her second apartment. It was a good fit for her. It was a pretty complex and a lovely apartment. She found a new daycare for her baby and proceeded to start her second year of school. She worked hard in class and hard at work, sometimes working 40 hours a week, much to my chagrin. Well, we decided that it was time to move on from that apartment. We'd started to hear about some places that would work a bit better with her income level and also, it was time for a fresh start. A dear friend told me about a brand new program, which was being piloted and suggested my daughter apply. It sounded like a dream come true, complete with classes on parenting, nutrition, household budgeting, etc with the goal of placing the women in extremely affordable housing at the conclusion of the classes. I was ELATED when she got in. While already a warm and loving mother, I was so thankful that she'd get even more guidance on that path. So, she took the classes, got to know the other moms and they all moved in last weekend. It hit me like a ton of bricks that my child would actually get a chance to live like I'd lived in those dorms years ago. She'd be able to knock on a door to borrow sugar. She'd be able to eat 3 am pizza. She'd be able to sit and talk about goals and dreams with similarly situated friends.  The things I wanted for her, was sad she'd miss out on, were actually, really happening anyway.

Full Circle. 

These last few years have brought indescribable reflection and growth for me. As my daughter started a new chapter as a high school graduate, young mother, and college student, I too started a new chapter. I began a new life, living with just my son, in a place I'd wanted to live since I was 24 years old.

Full Circle.

I reconnected (after 20+ years apart) with a phenomenal man who I'd met and fallen in love with when I was that new 17 year old dorm dweller. To have a "new" relationship with someone you already love and trust is a feeling I can't fully describe.

Full Circle

So often, we feel that the book is done. Our story is already written. Our lives have taken their final trajectory. I have realized and experienced that the book is not done; just the chapter. There is a sweetness and joy waiting that you haven't even touched.

The choice is yours...always.

I’ve mentioned many times before that this wasn’t really my plan. I’m talking about the biz owner life. I never had a lemonade stand. I never sold Avon or Tupperware.  In my family, you went to work, got your check, paid your bills and saved a lil to go to Wildwood in the summer. I was the first to earn a college degree on my mom’s side so that was already doing things a bit differently.  My dad pushed achievement but never entrepreneurship. It just wasn’t our thing. I was 100% cool with that, as it was all I knew.

Almost 8 years ago that changed. I had an idea that would launch three years later and change the trajectory of my life. It would expose me to new people, I’d never have known without this idea/product. It exposed me to situations that would have passed me by and I would have been fine with that because I wouldn’t have known any better.

All the while, I’ve been working my 9 to 5. When things really started heating up with the invention, I got promoted at work and was VERY excited and determined to do a great job as a 1^st time manager. I know what I’m doing. I’ve done it now for 23 years and I’m good at it. The biz owner life was uncharted territory. I didn’t know anything.  I had to learn every single thing. I got stuff wrong. Messed it up. While it was thrilling, it was also nerve-wracking.  I like comfort, low risk. I want to do my 8 and head on home. This life is different. It requires constant action. Don’t feel like pushing that day, guess what? There will be NO deposits.

Kind people have ask me when I’m giving my two weeks’ notice at my 9 to 5 since things have been moving along with the biz. I used to say, “Oh, you never know! Soon!” This was just a polite answer because I understood that they were asking out of excitement for me. Now, if I’m asked, I say, “Oh, I’m happy there. I have more work to do. I’m not going anywhere for a while.” Like everyone, I’ve got the normal bills, plus tuition, etc. But also, I’ve got a commitment to the work that I do during the day, from Monday to Friday. It’s one of the reasons that I’m so proud of that book. Writing it gave me the opportunity to get that experience on some pages; to live a multi-layered life. We ALL have gifts in many areas and I wouldn’t have been satisfied with my journey if I’d left it in my brain and never shared it.

So, while working for one’s self is the end game for many, the REAL end game is living the life you want. The one that brings you peace and soaring joy. When you know yourself, truly know yourself, then you’ll make choices that speak to and enrich every aspect of your life. There is no shame in doing what feels safe and comfortable. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t cut out for greatness. It means that you’ve searched your soul and in knowing yourself, you’ve made the best choice for you.

There are rich rewards for living the life you’ve honestly, fearlessly chosen. This is one of MANY areas where what others think means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Do what you want. Live a life you love. That's all that really matters.

The grind will NEVER be on cruise control!

Oh My. I just realized that I haven't written a blog post in FIVE months! My fave branding gurus (Allyn Lewis, Kyshira Moffett and Nicki Zevola, to name a few) are somewhere shaking their heads. They are probably saying, "Girl, do people even know you still have a company?" I'm trying ya'll, but it's a struggle. I've written a number of blogs in the past about being overwhelmed and not knowing what the hell I'm supposed to be doing from day to day. I WANT to follow all of the rules they tell you will lead to major success. You know...blog many times a week, stay hot and heavy on social media, make your website pop and a laundry list of other stuff I'm supposed to be doing to take over the world, but am not doing.

My girl, Allyn (www.hitthegem.com) serves up relevant content but also very openly shares how she struggles with all of this. Being a business owner is cool, please don't get me wrong on that. However, it also begs, no demands, constant and consistent action and movement. It's "Yes" to a vending event, which might mean "No" to a movie with my son. It's, "Nikki, I tried to buy a gloss but the site is saying something weird." I'm not complaining. I can't imagine my life without NMW. Also, this journey has given me the courage to pursue other things in my life. It's been a gift, with no curse.

It is hard sometimes. It's tough knowing what to make a priority. It's hard knowing how much to spend on inventory and whether you'll earn it back. It's a daily endeavor figuring out how to take this largely small biz thing to the world stage.

This December will mark five years in business. That really astounds me. It has really crept up on me and has caused me to stop and reflect a bit. In many ways it still sometimes feels like hobby level stuff and in other ways, it feels like major strides have been made. I know for sure that NMW has made an impact but the drive to make that be felt far and wide is still my biggest task and biggest question mark.

This post may feel like others I've written but that's by design in a way. I don't want folks to erroneously think I have this ALL figured out. No, quite the contrary. I'm still learning just like you. I always remind myself, "Hey, Nik, Pepsi is still running commercials and they've sold stupid crazy amounts of soda." The grind will NEVER be on cruise control (Ohhhh did I just write text for a new t-shirt?:))

I'm walking the walk with you. I'm trying new things. I'm still doing some old things. I DID bite the bullet and finally hired someone to help because watching your to-do list remain pristine and un-crossed off is maddening.

As a friend says, I'm "staying in the fight" because it's not only what I need to do, but what I want to do. Also, I believe that I will figure it all out eventually.

As always, thanks for reading.
Nik

I didn't even realize I was a badass...

I have felt like I was afraid for most of my life. I even wrote a blog post about it. Growing up, I was reared to play it safe. Be cautious. Be mindful that THIS action can lead to THAT repercussion. I listened. Always watch your purse and your back. Study hard because you'll get in trouble if you do poorly. Stay away from drugs, don't have sex, be a good girl. I followed those rules and they served me well. My best friend's older sister called me "Nikki the Nerd." I didn't love that moniker but I couldn't dispute it. It was true.

Then I found myself in my senior year of high school. It was time to make some choices. I wanted to move away to pursue college and my grandmother did NOT want that. Things were increasingly tense at home while I made plans to move away and she tried to manage her emotions around that. I pushed through and at 17, she, along with my dad and step-mother, moved me into Tower A on Pitt's Campus (across the state from my hometown). I had never felt so free, so alive, so ME. This was really the first real stand I took in my life and it was a big one. Since I carried her lessons with me, I studied hard, stayed un-pregnant :) and graduated with pride.

Pittsburgh was now home and it was time to really put down roots. My next rebel act was to meet and marry a man after only 10 months of knowing him AND he was a member of a controversial religious sect. EVERYONE in my whole life was in an uproar. I mean, EVERYONE. I forged ahead, vowing to defy the odds, Married at 24, pregnant at 25, divorced at 26. Unlike college, this thing didn't take any time to go down in flames. I licked my wounds and kept moving. I had a little girl to raise and my feelings of failure didn't trump her needs. After this, I decided to go back to my cautious ways and lock down on a "good government job" and take care of my daughter.

A few years passed, I worked, dated, had great times with my girlfriends and then found myself gearing up to marry again. He and I were very, very different (which, I think made this feel quite risky) but we had some pretty strong commonalities as well and he had a great sense of humor so the laughs came easily, as did the fights, unfortunately. We forged ahead, preparing to defy these odds too and did, for awhile....

In 2009, I had an idea for a product. Something that I desperately needed that I was sure (and still am sure) EVERYONE needs in their lives. As I've mentioned many times, I had no intentions of being a biz owner but here I was, taking a chance. Pouring lots of time, money, sweat, anguish and joy into this endeavor. Vowing not to give up, not to quit, not to let rejection stop me in my tracks. THIS is now my definition of a bad ass. I have pushed EVERY CHIP to the center of the table. Even when I go inside of myself with worry that this endeavor will remain small potatoes, I never, ever consider stopping. Yes, I still have a 9 to 5 so I am playing it safe in that way but I promise you, in EVERY OTHER WAY where Nikki's Magic Wand is involved, I'm ALL IN.

In reflecting on my life, I've realized that I made some uh, interesting choices personally and I spent YEARS kicking my own ass and crying over and over again. However, in my current state of mind, I have ZERO regrets. I mean NONE. If you're going to believe that things happen for a reason, then you MUST apply it to everything. It's not a pick and choose kinda belief.

I'm proud of me. The lessons I've learned. The life I've built. The example of success and failure my life represents to those around me and to my children.

I had no idea I was a bad ass but as it turns out, I'm the baddest. :)

As always, thanks for reading,
Nik

Sometimes a Johnny is better than a Bobby....

New Edition is touring right now.  Here’s why that’s significant. I have been in love with New Edition since I was 13 years old. I was one of their original “Candy Girls.”  I will be 45 this year, they are still touring and I am just as excited about them as I was when I was a child. This is impactful because, as many of us “Candy Girls” know; New Edition has not had an easy time of it. The group they started with, which included Bobby Brown, did not consistently have Bobby Brown in it.  Bobby Brown was the disgruntled, uncooperative employee that many people have to re-evaluate. So what did they do? They hired someone new. It was a big change. You usually don’t want to change your crew, particularly if you grew up with them. However, when they hired Johnny Gill, a seasoned professional, he raised their stock in a major way. He literally took them, from “Boys to Men”, his signature song, which also inspired an entirely new group, by that name, that went on to HUGE success. Over the years, New Edition changed their format. They have broken off. Ralph, the lead singer, went solo. Johnny went off and became a part of LSG. Ricky, Mike, and Ronnie went off and formed BBD.  The lead singers even formed a group called, “Heads of State.” They all had great success. They have now since come back together and when they perform, it’s a beautiful collaboration of “Original” New Edition, “Johnny Gill” New Edition, “Johnny Gill plus Bobby has gotten his life together” New Edition, “BBD serving that Poison” New Edition, “Ralph telling you how sensitive he is while also letting you know that he’s got to do what he’s got to and let you go” New Edition, “Johnny is encouraging you to put on that red dress and slip on those high heels” New Edition. It is an amazing thing that they’ve been able to do.

The lesson here for all of us, whether you own a business or not, is that we must adapt to what life serves us. We have to adjust when things change.  Look at what happened when they made the BIG change of replacing Bobby with Johnny; the group was better. The group was stronger. The group was able to tour in 2016 when they had begun touring in the very early 80s. Don’t be afraid of change or of changing your entire format. Don’t fear what could happen wrong because SO much can happen right.

Calgon....you know the rest....

Have you ever felt like you had something to get off of your chest but you didn't really know what it was? It's that nagging feeling that something is weighing you down and trying to creep up and steal your joy but you can't quite name it.

I have a whole lot going on, but so does everyone else so I'm not sure that's it.

I think I might feel like I'm having trouble managing my life right now. My weight is not where I want it to be and my motivation has seemed to fall into the same black hole that my metabolism crawled into. My children are good but not quite where I'd like them to be on the happiness scale.

I want to take a vacation but time, nor money, allows that right now.

I'm feeling homesick and that's a fairly new feeling for me. I think I need my batteries recharged and Philly usually gets that done, with laughs, free food and free drinks (thanks Daddy).

I feel like I'm starting to value different things, as I approach 45 years old. While being SO thankful to be employed, after 22 years of working on the exact same street downtown, it feels a bit like a rut. Sad thing is, I'm not positive that working from home wouldn't just render me bed-bound and unable to put on actual clothes. I think a laziness would swarm me and I wouldn't be able to break free.

I get that this is a ramble but I suppose I'm using it as a bit of therapy. Also, because I know I can't be alone. I can't be the only one sitting on that bus in the morning, earbuds in, attempting to find the song that will wake you up and start your day since the shower did not.

I've also become the roll-over queen. Let me explain. There is nothing more fulfilling than a crossed off to-do list and nothing more annoying than one that is full of things that just "roll-over" to the next day. I look at it and just want to rip it into confetti.

They have said that Seinfeld said that his show was a show about nothing and I suppose that's what this blog entry is about but I hope you felt less alone if you too are feeling a bit chubby and lazy like I am today. :)

Have a great day and as always, thanks for reading!

Nik

No Risk, No Reward...

This week I got some big news. Really the biggest news I've ever gotten related to my business. I was informed that a host on QVC had requested my product by name! Say What??? In addition to that, they want 7515 3-packs. I had to bust out the calculator and found out that equaled a whopping 22,545 individual Wands!!! Oh my! So, while still soaring on Cloud 9, I had to figure out how in the world I was going to get the money together to give to the manufacturer so they could begin to work on making and shipping our biggest order yet.

My mind was racing. I called my business partner and we sat on the phone, thinking of every stray $5 we had lying around. Now I want to be clear...we are NOT talking about personal funds because quite frankly, my kids spend up all of that. I'm talking about money that we have and really, money that we don't quite have our hands on. So, some tough decisions had to be made. Some accounts had to be emptied and some credit will need to be tapped. This endeavor will take every free coin, while also leaving a small (very small) cushion to be able to keep the business going.

After all of this number crunching, I started to reflect. Before all of this NMW business, I was quite risk averse and hesitant to take chances. But then, something happened. I came up on something that meant the world to me, that I firmly believed in, that I could put my energy, blood, sweat, tears and wallet behind. There have been many things that I have questioned in my life but this was not one of them. Even when there were no sales, when I didn't know how to get the next sale, when I felt like I was teetering on the line of, "Do I own a business or do I have a hobby?" I knew, in my heart, that this little tool had the power to be something great, so I kept going. I kept believing because there was no other choice.

So, here I go, balls to the wall, every single chip pushed to the middle of the table, ready to risk it all. Don't get me wrong, it's a calculated, educated risk, but a risk nonetheless. And what's really amazing to me, is that I'm not feeling any trepidation. No panic, no stress. I'm so excited to see what's going to happen. I'm loving watching this movie.

So, you keep watching too. It's going to be a fun ride and no matter what happens, I'll always know that I gave it everything I had! This way I won't have any regrets.

Thank you so much for reading,
Nikki
P.S. Can you pleeeeeeasaaaseee go to www.nikkismagicwand.com and buy some stuff? I need the money, ya'll! :):)

ROAR!!!!!

Wow, it's been awhile since I've shared with ya. Truth is, if I don't have something pressing to share, I typically don't, although all of the people "in the know" tell you that you need to blog on a regular basis when you have a business. This blog began as a "Pay It Forward" endeavor to share how Nikki's Magic Wand got off the ground because I was getting that question often and I thought it could save folks some of the steps that I took. Another question I get a lot these days is about balancing it all...the 9 to 5, the business, the book, the kids and the list goes on. Frankly, we all are busy, working very hard, and I don't pretend to be busier than anyone else. But, when people ask me, I'm happy to tell them how I manage, even when most days, I don't really know myself.

Tonight, I was in my bed, lounging after watching one of my favorite shows and a thought jumped in my head. It felt like a pressing topic. It may not mean a lot to you but in the effort of being as transparent as possible, here goes....

I always wanted children. It was on my list, along with going to college (which I did) and wearing a suit to work (which I never, ever do). It was what you did or at least planned to do. On the first day of Summer in 1997, I was able to check off that particular goal. It was a girl! I didn't know ahead of time, although I actually really did know. She emerged after 27 hours of labor, almost three hours of pushing and when they held her up, we locked eyes very knowingly, like we'd met long ago. She didn't cry, she just looked at me like, "Hey Mom, it's you." When she was two months old, her dad and I split and then it was she and I against the world. I was 25 and figuring it all out.

This may sound odd, but as she grew, my feelings of actually being her mother would wax and wane. I felt as if she was just a little girl who had come to stay with me. I was unsure of what I was supposed to feel like but I sometimes became concerned that my mother instincts had not really kicked in. One thing I knew for sure was that I felt like her mother when she was in trouble or in pain. Panic set in on an almost physical level as I scrambled to set everything back to normal and make it all ok again.

When she was five, I remarried and the team of two, became a team of three. It was easy at first but as the tweens loomed, each day got harder and harder. I could never determine whose side to be on and it was exhausting. She was my baby, the one who had nestled against my heart, internally and externally, and even when I knew she was straight up wrong, I felt like I had to defend her. When she was hurt or sad or embarrassed or depressed, or treated unfairly, my Lioness kicked it with a vengeance and this "filtered" mother would challenge teachers, employers, her father, her step-father, anyone. I would write letters and make phone calls and sometimes curse and scream. She was mine to protect.

As she grew, her personality emerged and it turned out to be so very different from mine. I was confused by it, exhausted by it, but I also admired it in many ways. She was not a conformist and while I knew that would cause her some heartache, eventually I realized that it would also allow her creativity to flourish and she'd end up teaching her very conventional mother many things.

This story of loving your child beyond all else is not new or novel. Most mothers do just that and more. I'm not special in that regard. So you're wondering, "Uh, Nik, what does this have to do with anything?"

Just like she and Brent are my cubs, to protect and roar at their opposition, we all need to protect the treasures to which we give birth. Whether you have a 9 to 5, a business, a book, a catering service or an actual child, you need to protect its image, reputation, what it gives to the world. You need to believe in it and throw caution to the wind when defending it. You need to allow it to teach you about yourself. You need to stop and listen. You need to plan and plot its success. Just as God gave me these children that I planned and prayed for, He also gave me this idea and the next one and the one after that.

That's my story, well, one of them and I hope you enjoyed the read.

Thank you,
Nik

Someone throw me a life preserver...

Do you know those people who have their e-mails in perfectly created folders? You ask them about an e-mail from 2012 and they can put their hands right on it. Everything is filed expertly and organized and may even be labeled. Yeah, that's not me. I have papers in piles. They are a mixture of Nikki's Magic Wand stuff, book stuff, sorority stuff, you name it. And I name my documents things that make sense at the time but when I go back to look for them, they are no where to be found. I am a bit of a mess. A cute one, but a mess all the same. :)

Here's the thing, I WANT to be organized. I want pretty little e-mail folders but I don't seem to have the "bandwidth" (gotta love those biz terms) to get it done. At the end of the day, my overly comfortable bed comes calling and my files remain a mess. Now don't get me wrong, you will not see me on the next episode of Hoarder's but it's starting to get sketchy.

And don't even get me started on the e-mails that flood my NMW inbox. Oh man, the offers of this webinar and that coaching session. I just want to lie down when they come through. It seems that everyone has something to say of value and I am clearly missing the key to immediate millionaire status by not opening THAT e-mail. It makes me panicked and sleepy all at the same time.

So, I'm supposed to write down my goals and make them measurable and make them big and make them....you get me. If I want to make $100,000 this year in my NMW biz, that means that I need to earn $1923 a week in the business. That's a LOT of doggone Wands and glosses. Especially when you are trying to figure out, on a daily basis, how to get ONE sold, nevermind 192 of those suckers. :)

I'm just trying to be completely transparent with ya'll. Now here's the thing, I'm not complaining. There are a WHOLE bunch of folks who wish they had my privileged problems. I just need to figure out how to get my life together and still get a full night's rest.

This Saturday, I will celebrate 10 years at my current employer. I have only worked for two companies for my entire career and I'm proud of that longevity. It's comfortable and it's how I keep myself in sunflower seeds and Thai food. It's second nature. What I guess I'm getting at is that even three years in now, this biz owner thing continues to be a bit of a mystery. No cruise control for this chick. There is always something new to learn and figure out and while I will NEVER say that's not exciting because frankly, it is, it is simultaneously exhaustion inducing.

This year, I pledge to come up with a system to make things run a bit smoother. I'm going to have to say "No" to more things, particularly if they are outside of my immediate goal.

I've got to pull it together and I WILL! Didn't that sound convincing?

Ok, now can someone come over and help me organize my stuff? I need a nap.