Death to SHOULD

My last blog post was a LONG time ago. Eight months ago to be exact. That is a high crime in BlogLand. Truth is, I haven’t had much to say.  While it’s true that I haven’t really been thinking of blogging, something made me feel like the topics should just flood my mind. And there it is. That word…SHOULD.

That word has such power over our lives.

Check out what I mean:

I was inspired to write this blog five minutes ago after viewing pictures of a Facebook friend. The pictures are absolutely beautiful and in them, she is smiling and showing off her figure in a crop top. The pictures exude happiness and confidence and so much self- love. Someone commented that they wished they had an ounce of her confidence and she responded that we have to learn to love ourselves and remember that while we may not be where we want to be, we aren’t where we were. She killed the notion that you SHOULD only wear a crop top if you have rock hard abs. Why would we think that when rock hard abs are super HARD to come by?

My list of SHOULDs is LONG:

1. I SHOULD have rock solid abs. LOL!
2. I SHOULD have a bigger savings account.
3. I SHOULD have clear skin at my age.
4. I SHOULD be more organized.
5. I SHOULD have more willpower with my eating.
6. I SHOULD go home to Philly more.
7. I SHOULD call my grannies more.
8. I SHOULD be further along with my business.
9. I SHOULD have finished my second book a long time ago.
10. I SHOULD cook more.

And on and on and damn on.

Our minds LOVE to tell us that we’re just never, ever doing enough and what a sad cycle and discouraging message that is to tell ourselves every second of every day.  It seems to be much easier to focus on what’s wrong, as opposed to what’s right. Many of us have seen that meme that says, “Even on my worst day, I’m killing it.” We post it to fire ourselves up and let folks know that we’re the shit. However, it’s SO hard to hold on to that feeling and thought. It takes constant reminders and then we’re RIGHT back to SHOULD with, “I SHOULD be able to remember this! What is wrong with me?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Tired of caring, not so much about what others think but about what I think, if it’s not positive. I’m weary of worrying about how this tummy, that held and nurtured two healthy babies, is not completely flat and still pouchy even though my youngest is now grown man sized.  I’m tired of wondering if you can see a pimple in my selfie. My value is between my ears and in my chest (heart) and cannot be removed by the fact that I have stretch marks or gray hair.

SHOULD needs to die today.  Who cares what you SHOULD be doing. The only thing that is important is if you deeply, genuinely, unconditionally LOVE who and what you see in that mirror and WHEN you get there, nothing else matters.

NOTHING.