Almost 20 years ago I abandoned my identity. I decided to start a whole new life, complete with a new name. See, well into adulthood, I was exclusively known as Nikki. I didn't like the name Nicole. It seemed too formal, too serious, and no one in my life called me Nicole, not even the managers or co-workers. However, after over 10 years I decided to leave my good government job and landed a new role at Mellon Bank. Since my resume said "Nicole" that's what they called me and I never corrected them. I figured since I'd been grown enough and brave enough to give myself a fresh start, a new name made sense. Corporate was so different and I began that new job with enthusiastic determination, but also scared to death of failure. You know the saying that goes something like, "If you take the leap, the net will be there"? Well, I've jumped a few times but never fully trusted that net. I kept checking it for holes and honestly I figured my azz would jump right past it and face plant on the floor. The funny thing about this is that I think I present as a confident, together women, when in reality I'm deathly afraid of making mistakes, appearing stupid, and being judged. It paralyzes me in many ways and I know for sure that this persistent fear has kept me from pursuing paths that would have landed me in some fulfilling spaces. We're unpacking that in therapy.
So, here I stand. Once again trying to figure out the path to success and happiness in all of my roles. One thing that I've discovered about myself over these last five decades is that I LOVE to share the good and the bad - to help others along their journeys.
I hope you'll come along with me on this ride. In sharing my experiences, tips, tricks, wins and losses, I hope you'll see that you're not alone. Let's do this. Let's change our lives.
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